My Mind has a life of its own.
It’s a Wanderer. Sometimes it goes astray, fleeing like a swift bird before I could get hold of it. It navigates the lesser tangible happenings around me and soars to a place that is calm and unexcited. To an abstract zone where there is room for newer possibilities. Where the risks are big but are worth taking. Where time doesn’t escape leaving me flustered and confused, but prompts me to breathe in sync with its ticking. Where I’m not essentially unscathed, but stronger than ever to deal with aftermaths. Where choices aren’t judged and neither is choosing exhausting.
Sometimes my Mind likes to open up old prized chests of treasured rhapsodies. They still kindle the same sentiment as do the newer, more recent wads of affirmation and validation. They are reservoirs of power that so effortlessly rejuvenate my Mind. It’s like resuscitating a lifeless heart. Only less dramatic. As if they already know how it feels to be desolated and then revived. My Mind lingers around like a Playful Child, seeking comfort in the smaller nuances of life. Selectively picking the happiest moments to relive and muse upon.
Then there are others. Boxes full of uneventful moments that lay sporadically. Those with meaningless instances not worth stopping over. So, my Mind prances along …
I beg the Fool to be vigilant for there’s too much to be cautious about. I fear, my Mind might stray into a daunting territory. Moments of spite and resentment. Moments that latch their malignant claws on to the more secure stretches, blurring the lines that tell them apart. I try several times to intervene, trying to divert my Mind to other less risky paths. But it plummets from time to time into dark extensive hollows of melancholy that have been quarantined for rational reasons. These are an ambush, I know. They await the arrival of my Mind and decoy it towards a labyrinth of bitter thoughts and foregone incidences. And they clutch on it and draw from it every ounce of energy. Their laughs are echoes of wickedness!
Sigh! I give up, for I know this is going to be a long halt. Almost a dead end, you could say. And my Mind won’t recover for days. Maybe weeks. I stop coaxing it any further and join instead in the travail, hoping to help lessen its ordeal.
But my Mind is not one to give up. It is a Believer.
It clings on to the final straws of positivity embossed in my conscience. Words of encouragement and assurance. Spoken and unspoken. From lovers, parents, friends and strangers. Memories that have evolved from fruitful experiences and countless lessons. These then paint the eroding edges of my Mind with a healing salve of optimism. Slowly and steadily, I see, it propel itself out of the deep hollows, yet again assuring me of its fortitude.
My Mind is a Pathfinder.
Very often it takes me to spaces familiar but less understood. It paces up the spiritual realm, where lies a reflection of my existence. I cannot seem to seize it and nor do I try. I simply tiptoe after it, keeping an eye, surprised by its command and counsel. I’m not sure what to expect, for my Mind could be unpredictable. I’m hardly sure of my own commitment, for I’m puzzled too. But my Mind? My Mind seems so sorted. For once. It gently ushers me and I now see what it wants me to see. There’s no system here, nothing is planned, nothing known. Yet it is meditative and engages me like does the calm of the ocean and the immensity of the bare skies. As my Mind sinks into prayer, I see my reality before me in its wholeness. My truths and my imaginations. My flaws lay bare — raw and real — letting me indulge in my own vulnerability. And I watch my Mind; it’s more focussed than it ever was.
I walk out, a complete new person. Gratified.
But on retrospection, have I really changed? No, I haven’t. It’s the same me. It’s the same Mind. We are streamlined as individuals and complex as an entity. It’s fun when we are in sync, but could be hopelessly funny when we are not. This ebb and flow of energy is the basic dynamic of our relationship.
My Mind and I — we are allies in essence and this is our story together.
